Director / Seth Gordon (IDENTITY THIEF, HORRIBLE BOSSES, THE KING OF KONG)
Stars/ Dwayne Johnson, Zac Efron, Jon Bass, Alexandra Daddario, Kelly Rohrbach and Priyanka Chopra

My expectations of BAYWATCH were extremely grounded before entering the cinema – just hope that the next two hours would provide some silly, lame but fun and guilty-pleasure viewing. The opening act of BAYWATCH plays out just this way and reassures everyone that it isn’t meant to be taken seriously at all. Until it all becomes seriously bad!

The 1989-2001 TV Series that BAYWATCH is of course taken from became one of the most watched television shows in the world, after initially being cancelled at the end of its first season. Playfully making fun of and grossly exaggerating cases from the original series, BAYWATCH stars Dwayne Johnson and Kelly Rohrbach as Mitch Buchannon and CJ Parker, characters who were first made famous by series stars David Hasselhoff and Pamela Anderson. The plot in this cinematic adaptation sees Mitch face off against a hot new recruit, Matt Brody (Zac Efron), a medal-winning Olympic swimmer who joins the team of passionate lifeguards. When evidence of a local crime washes up on the bay they patrol, Mitch and Matt are forced to combine efforts as they work to solve the crime, struggling to put aside their competitiveness and egos in the process.

No one, not even the charismatic Dwayne Johnson, can save BAYWATCH from drowning in its own dump. Once the terribly lacklustre plot begins to surf a wave of thoughtlessly written dialogue and overplayed scenarios, the film finds itself caught in a strong current of worthlessness that it just cannot swim out of.

The basis of the storyline penned for BAYWATCH is really the beginning of its demise. It is so thinly written, basic and lazily conceived that it never stood a chance to hold up for (almost) two hours. As a result, several scenes that exemplify the awkward and over-the-top flirtations shared by our lifeguards and a witless battle staged between macho man and pretty boy is what dominates far more screen time than acceptable. These scenarios do provide some mild laughter to begin with, but lose their mojo very quickly. What may have been a funny idea on paper turns out to be as fun to watch as swimming at a beach that is filled with seaweed! As BAYWATCH continues its decline, the poor quality starts to surface in front of the lens too. Dwayne Johnson (probably the best asset of this movie) and Alexandra Daddario (who barely looks interested) did previously work together in SAN ANDREAS and fare much better in that film than they do here. This is not only a poor choice from Zac Efron, who is building a pretty unconvincing resume, but is perhaps the poorest form we’ve seen from him. Though he is not as inept and ineffective as Bollywood actress Priyanka Chopra, as the films villain. And finally, two insensitive and unforgivable jokes – one aimed at Stephen Hawking and the other at our very own Steve Irwin, place BAYWATCH beyond resuscitation.

Fans of the series may find a little more joy to come than I could from the teasing nature of the film. But in very similar style to CHIPS, another film based on a TV series released earlier this year, BAYWATCH self-destructs and is one of the worst releases of 2017.

1 ½ stars

Viewer Discretion/ MA15+ (strong comedic nudity and coarse language)

Trailer / BAYWATCH

Moviedoc thanks Paramount Pictures and Hoyts Cinema, Melbourne Central for the invite to the screening of this film.

Review by Moviedoc / “LIKE” on Facebook – Moviedoc

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