Director
Luca Guadagnino
(CALL ME BY YOUR NAME)
Stars
Tilda Swinton, Dakota Johnson, Angela Winkler and Chloë Grace Moretz.
I’m not sure where to start with this review of Luca Guadagnino’s remake of Dario Argento’s 1977 cult classic Suspiria. I had moderate expectations going in, given Guadagnino’s success earlier in the year with Call Me By Your Name, as well as an undeniable penchant for interesting horror films, I thought this was a recipe for a great movie going experience. I went into this with fresh eyes and no pre-conceived notions about the plot or artistic direction, but after walking out of the cinema and hearing other people talk about their thoughts on the piece, it became quite clear that this will be one of those films that you either vehemently love or loathe…and I definitely fell into the latter category.
Set in 1977 Berlin, Susie Bannion (Dakota Johnson), a Mennonite from Ohio, arrives to audition for an exclusive dance company. When she exceeds expectation and earns the role of lead dancer, suspicions arise about the true nature of the academy and their esteemed instructors, including the famous Madame Blanc (Tilda Swinton). Meanwhile, an inquisitive psychotherapist who was treating a former dancer who mysteriously vanished, starts to uncover sinister secrets hidden within the bowels of the academy.
On first glance, it sounds kind of cool doesn’t it? What is actually offered up however is an artistic-wank of the most epic proportion. There are so many things that had me question ‘what the actual **** am I watching?’ and it left me with more questions than answers.
Firstly, why did Guadagnino feel the need to have Tilda Swinton play 3 roles including an old white guy? (I suppose it is better than her playing an old Asian guy for a change though). Secondly, why is it still set in 1977 when there is no relevance to the time period? There were multiple nods to the history of Berlin at the time, but it was never explored in any meaningful way. This could have easily been modernized which would have justified a remake. Guadagnino added an entire hour to the film (bringing it to a whopping 2hrs 32mins), but seemingly hasn’t added any depth or further exploration than what Argento achieved in a little over 90mins.
Suspiria is deliberately provocative and gory but without the substance to make it worth the discomfort. Tilda Swinton is wasted by Guadagnino’s arrogance. He assumes that the audience will embrace his direction, but he does nothing to ingratiate them from the onset, which makes you wonder whether he is deliberately trying to alienate his audience. The few saving graces of the film are the performances by Swinton and Johnson (at least when Swinton is playing the role of Madame Blanc, not a random old white guy), and maybe one scene with some rope-bikini dancing. I’m not trying to take the piss with that, but I’m seriously stretching to find something about this film that I actually enjoyed.
If you are a fan of Argento’s original, I’d suggest re-watching that and forgetting that this abomination was ever created. If you’re looking for an interesting and intelligent horror movie in 2018, I recommend watching/re-watching A Quiet Place instead. I’d only suggest watching this film if you’re usually into self-flagellation, but you can’t find your whip.
0.5 stars (for rope-bikini dancing only)
Trailer
SUSPIRIA
Moviedoc thanks Miranda Brown Publicity for the invite to the screening of this film.
Moviedoc 
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