DIRECTOR
Michael Angelo Covino
The Climb

STARS
Dakota Johnson, Adria Arjona, Kyle Marvin, Michael Angelo Covino

“This is such a dumpster fire”

True words spoken by one of Splitsville’s four central characters near the end of the film. Though she is of course referring to a situation seen in the film, I do wonder if Dakota Johnson improvised this line in reference to this empty hearted “unromantic comedy” she stars in!

Before Splitsville goes south to shitsville where it resides for the remainder of its duration, it presents a premise that reels in curiosity and offers adults something risqué to relish.

Carey (played by co-writer Kyle Marvin) has just received rough news when he rocks up unannounced at the home of best friend Paul (played by co-writer and director Michael Angelo Covino) and his wife Julie (Dakota Johnson). His (not so lovely) wife of fourteen months, Ashley (Adria Arjona), advises she has been unfaithful to him and wants a divorce. Paul and Julie challenge more than his perception of faithfulness and marriage, however, when revealing they are not monogamous. In a split second or two, their open relationship opens a plethora of problems that will upend everyone’s relationship dynamics.

“Let her finish… we’re all grown-ups”

Another line of dialogue spoken towards the end of the film, this time by Paul, in context to a discussion he is a part of with the other three main characters. It was also one of the rare moments where I laughed out loud, purely because it is hilarious in the most ironic of ways, whether intended or not. Paul, Julie, Carey and Ashley always behave anything except for grown-up. Even teenagers exhibit more maturity and make decisions that make more sense than the downright silly and soulless characters, or rather caricatures, in this picture. So much so, that when Ashley toys with boys half her age but twice as interesting, I was wishing for a long-term plot deviation.

Pointlessly split into six articles, Splitsville’s destructive, infantile and grossly exaggerated brand of humour was just one thing I detested and isn’t even its most pressing of problems. Characterisation and character development. The former exists, albeit I found two out of four central characters entirely unlikeable and the other two tolerable at best. To clarify, I don’t need to like characters to value a film (though it’s helpful in a film such as this one). There are many other qualities they can bring without embracing them and this is where the almost non-existent development of character becomes an issue. Almost all of them are involved in something awful and have no redeeming qualities to salvage from or show for that.

…………………………

As for what Splitsville does with and where it takes that mightily appealing premise, well, it’s like being cheated on the day after your relationship became official and is highly likely to leave you feeling just as perplexed if that were to really happen!

Where this tasteless and increasingly cringe comedy that is devoid of substance writes its story to and the scenic route it takes to nowhere in particular just made me mad. Mega mad. I am not usually so scathing of films and/or the people who produce them without being constructive (and hopefully I’ve still managed to be constructive in parts), but Splitsville is such an enormous let down that significantly under-achieves in every department Michael Angelo Covino (who reminded me of Casey Affleck, but… less, in every way possible) controls and contributes to and is therefore accountable. Avoid. 

 

Splitsville is showing in cinemas across Australia from September 11th, 2025.

Moviedoc thanks Madman for the invitation to the screening of this film. 

Review by Leigh for Moviedoc

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