What happens when a gym bro with an IQ of 72 teams up with some equally unintelligent mates to write a screenplay? Him is what happens.  This is the screen writing equivalent of what tabloid clickbait is to journalism. I actually feel dumber for having seen it. Lulled into a false pretence with the attachment of Jordan Peele’s name to this project (note he is only a producer, not a writer or director), this film has to rank as one of the worst of 2025. 4 days after viewing, I’m still searching for some redeemable qualities.

The premise is not without promise; Cam Cade (Tyriq Withers), is a young athlete on the precipice of being drafted as a pro footballer when he is struck down (literally) with a head injury, jeopardising his ability to be selected. When all appears lost, he is contacted by Isiah White (Marlon Wayans), the star quarterback of his favourite team who is edging closer to retirement, with an invitation to train with him at his secluded Texas property to prove his viability to be drafted. Once there, Cade is introduced to a series of brutal and ritualistic tests to prove that he has what it takes to become the new ‘GOAT’. Sadly, the idea is severely let down by the execution where more emphasis is put on the style over the substance. With terrible writing and chaotic cinematography, it might be passable if the lead (Withers) had some kind of charisma that didn’t resemble a plank of wood. The only shining light in all the mess is the presence of stand-up comedian Jim Jefferies as a makeshift sports doctor with probably the only memorable lines in the feature. The story jumps all over the place with more plot holes than ‘wow’ moments. You can actually feel the desperation of the writers and director to make this something great, but they just don’t have the ability for it. Perhaps in more capable hands this might not have been a total dumpster fire.

By the time the credits roll on Him, you’ll be left asking yourself the question, ‘what the f*** did I just watch?’. I don’t think I’ve been this underwhelmed with a contemporary horror since 2018 remake of Suspiria. But that was an overly pretentious attempt at cerebral scares, whereas this film is so dumb that it’s the audience that will feel like they’ve had a head injury by the end of it.

Him is in cinemas now (presumably for a very short time).